OK, so here goes.
The thought of putting very personal things out there for "everyone" to see just popped into my head a few days ago. It's like someone was whispering, "You should do this, it would be good for you." So I guess I should just start with a list of flaws/personality traits/things that make me me ... whatever.
(Not in any particular order)
1. Sometimes when I make decision, I'll fret over whether or not I'll enjoy the outcome. For instance, a friend asked me to work at a day camp this week. It was only a week, but still, after I said yes, I worried about where I was going to park, how much longer it'd take me to get there with traffic, what would I eat, where would I eat, would the kids like me, etc. etc.
2. I can have firm goals set and be very determined ... for about a week or two, then it goes away. Example: I want to lose weight and was doing very well with going to the gym and eating right for about two weeks. Now I'm back to trying to convince myself that I really like my body just the way it is.
3. I'm not good with my money. I spend too much sometimes and try to rationalize it.
4. I would be content with laying around and watching TV all day. In fact, that's pretty much been most of my summer. Oh, sleeping in late too. Should I feel guilty about this? Should I feel like a waste of life for the 11 weeks that is my summer break? Or should I feel that it's OK that I'm not doing much, that I deserve it and it's OK?
5. I love my job, but what I've always wanted, ever since I was in elementary school, was to meet my husband and live happily ever after. I want kids too, but the husband part has been almost ever-present in my mind. Future marital joy/love/peace/harmony/communication/JUST KNOWING THAT IT'S RIGHT is extremely important to me. I want the fairytale.
6. Last night, reading and watching videos about people truly hating on this whole Chick-fil-a thing made me cry. Real tears.
7. I still feel like I'm waiting for my life to start.
Maybe at least one of my friends out there, or who knows, someone I don't know, has been able to relate to me, and hopefully you feel better now. I know I do. I've just been having a lot of internal struggles lately, and it feels really good to put them "down on paper."
More to come.
